My wife and I have been an item for nearly a decade. That includes dating and marriage. Anyway, we are of that age when many people that we know are either having children or have already had children. Which, according to all of them, is the bees knees. So much so, that sometimes it seems they can’t possibly contain their excitement or talk about anything else.
“How’s the weather?”
“Timmy loves it!”
“How was your day?”
“Took Timmy to Karate!”
“Why are you bleeding?”
“Timmy was just expressing himself. So creative! Please drive me to the hospital. Timmy doesn’t drive well when he is angry.”
Let me get two things clear. First, my wife and I like kids and would someday love to have one of our own, when the time is right. Second, you can talk about your kids. But Christ, people! Asking other people if they are going to have kids is a really insensitive question. One that should not be thrown around as lightly as asking them if they watched Netflix on the weekend.
First of all, it is a very intrusive question. One that can completely ruin someone’s day. What if people are trying to conceive, but are having issues? What if they just can’t? For instance, someone is just trying to get through the work day. Then they hear this. “Man, my kids are great! They did the cutest shit the other day. So how’s your barren uterus!” No, that isn’t what was actually said, but that is the interpreted meaning.
Second, what is this porn? When people ask you, “Are you going to have children?” What they are really asking is. “So are you and your wife, uh, bangin’? You telling the checkout lady you don’t need a bag? Seriously though, between you and me, because we are on such a level, are you coming in your wife?” That is my wife you are talking about man! I oughta pop you one! Right on the forehead! What! Are you going to use this information as inspiration for your secret erotic blog? You know the one with one follower! Who, unbeknownst to you, is your Mom!
Speaking of which, you know how you should never joke about anyone’s mom until you know that she is alive and in great shape? Or how you should never ask a woman if that kid is her grandchild? Or ask if that younger looking woman with that older looking guy is his daughter? Same consideration applies here. Probably even more so. Maybe I am just being too pragmatic.