Happy Mother Stuffin’ Valentine’s Day!

  What a great and glorious day the marketing necromancers at card, chocolate, and jewelry companies have invented for us. Conjured straight from thin air. No besmirching of pagan traditions. No solstice to expand on and contort into some holiday. Just an arbitrary date in the middle of February.

  Consumers are still in their post-christmas comas and the economy needs a jump start. Nothing can fix it except for a day based on diabetes and papercuts. Since Type 2 Laceration Day doesn’t sound good, they instead named it after a guy who was shot to death with arrows. Actually, it could have been two guys and maybe neither were shot with arrows. I simply can’t be bothered to research this any further.

  My wife and I don’t really buy into the whole thing. Why have only one day to love each other? Can’t I, a man, express my emotions to my wife all three hundred and sixty five days of the year? Do I need someone to tell me that this is the appointed day to buy her flowers? How could she possibly feel special when every other woman is also getting flowers? This is more of a day to keep up with the Jones’s. To hit the status quo. It isn’t about love, it is about proving that you are better than someone else’s partner, or at the very least, adequate.

  I know we aren’t the only people who don’t get caught up in it. Many people seem to have taken the red pill. They can see through the miasma. Maybe they have been in a relationship too long. Maybe they are just jaded assholes. Maybe they are simply intelligent and know it is bullshit.

  Valentine’s Day was invented to move product, make single people feel like shit, and make people in a relationship feel inadequate. The only people that are having a good time are those newly formed sex crazed couples. Although, it is equally stressful on them. All that chocolate fueled sex!

  Either way, Valentine’s Day is here. There is no where to run or hide. We are in the poo. Tell your partner you love them and go watch Fifty Shades of Grey! There is no better metaphor for Valentine’s Day than captive people getting screwed. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go buy flowers and put some cupid wings on my dog.

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