Ted Cruz: Hashtag Reverse Palpatining

  Ted Cruz recently announced his candidacy for president. My heart slowly slid back down my throat after the doomsday scenario was played in my head. The one that has eighties horror movie synths whirring in the background, while lousy superimposed flames lick around Ted Cruz’s cackling mug, while money from telecom lobbyists rains from above, while I have to pay extra for my blog, that no one can get to. I realized something. Ted Cruz and Pat Buchanan look very similar.

  Go ahead, google it. I will wait here patiently. It can’t be denied can it? It isn’t so much that they look alike, it is that Ted Cruz looks like Pat Buchanan after some heavy plastic surgery. You can see it right? Especially around the eyes and forehead. The chin!

  Pat Buchanan has ran for president several times and was never the guy tapped to get in the ring for the big bout. The sci-fi nerd in me got all titillated at the thought that maybe this is Pat’s time to shine. He hasn’t ran in recent years. It could be interesting if this is his comeback. Reinvented from the ground up. New face! New name!

  Has anyone seen Pat Buchanan lately? Furthermore, has anyone seen Ted Cruz and Pat Buchanan in the same room? I am sure Patty is hanging out somewhere around Fox news. I am not sure, I seldom go there. When I do, I get a burning anxiety, like I am doing something intrinsically wrong. It feels worse than the gaggy bad feeling I get when I go to the polar opposite, Huffpost. Either way, apparently I am some sort of progressive moderate that doesn’t identify with the extremes and I haven’t seen him.

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