Jem (And) The Hologram(s): Synergetically Challenged.

  Have you seen the trailer for Jem and the Holograms? If you haven’t take this moment to do so. Okay done? So what did you think? If you liked it and can literally not quit pissing your pants with delight, this is your stop. Stay on if you want, but you have been warned. For those of you who have standards and good taste, stick with me and lets wallow in disappointment together.

  First, I am a guy, but that didn’t stop me from watching Jem as a kid. I mostly started watching it because it was on before He-Man and G.I Joe. I would show up early as not to miss any of my favorite cartoons, which was pretty much all of them. As time went on I started to actually like Jem and started showing up early for it.

  When I saw the trailer was out I became hesitantly excited and sent the link to my wife, she was a big fan when she was a kid. We watched it on her PC. The disappointment was so palpable, the dogs left the room. Here was some fifteen year old girl who puts on her own makeup, then breaks up with her band and dumps the orphans. I was super excited when I caught my first glimpse of who I thought to be the best casting for Pizazz ever, Juliette Lewis! Instead, she is the gender swapped Eric. Which isn’t so bad I guess, but come the frick on!

  At this point I started looking around the room, I was kind of bored. Then I began to think about all the fans and how disappointed they were going to be. In the matter of two in half minutes, Jem is relegated to being a young and seemingly powerless girl both literally and “magically.” She can’t keep her band together, cries a lot, and can’t figure out if she is Jerrica or Jerrica who puts her pants on one leg at a time and has no synergy, a.k.a. Jem.

  Why can’t she be an older more confident woman? Selfmade, powerful, and owner of Starlight records.Someone who gives kids hope and lets them forget about their problems! Someone kids can look up to and say “I want to be like her!”

  Also, there is a glint from a stage light as she rubs her earring and mumbles “Showtime Synergy.” Which is when you hope the whole trailer was just a hologram and is going to transform into something outrageous. It doesn’t. I guess her dad wasn’t some super smart computer scientist after all.

So, what do you think?

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