A Night Out With The Kids In The Hall

My wife and I recently took the opportunity to go see The Kids in the Hall. Let me tell you something about comedy shows in the theatre setting. The comedians are funny, the people in the audience probably aren’t. For the same reason that many of us type-B personality types, who think of the right thing to say fifteen minutes too late, and never punch people watch Clint Eastwood movies, folk who aren’t all that funny wander into comedy shows.

The Kids were okay, hell they were better than okay, they were hilarious. My face hurt from grinning all night long. However, lets talk about the people in front of us. The show started at eight on the dot. Four seats sat empty in front of us. I thought to myself, I bet these people are going to be a problem or at least a minor issue. By the beginning of the third skit my fears were easing as I didn’t think they were going to show up at all.

Oh, how wrong I was. Pretty much at that exact moment they appeared, there was three of them. What is said about senses being deprived making the other senses stronger, is true. In that dark theatre I could smell the light remnants of alcohol presumably consumed at dinner and the scent of hippy on the group. They seated themselves quickly, the remarkably tall man sat in front of me. I adjusted in my seat, but overall they really weren’t that big of a problem.

Buddy (Scott Thomas) continued his monologue. That is when one of them appeared to not fully understand how jokes work. Continuous laughter racked her throughout the buildup and well before the punchline. Too the point that I assume that the word “knock” causes gut wrenching guffawing both times it is mentioned at the beginning of a knock-knock joke.

She calmed down as Buddy exited stage left. Another skit began and about half-way through, her man companion showed up. How do I know it was her’s? Well, the remarkably tall man stood straight up and swapped seats with her. A total distance of two seats each.

I am sure everyone around me was as displeased as I was. At least the tall guy was gone and I could sit how I like and see everything. Oh, how wrong I was, again. As Dave Foley expressed his appreciation of menstruation, she would throw her fist in the air pumping it repeatedly while yelling “Woooooo!” Each. And Every. Time. He would say menstruation. “Wooooo!” While a fist flailed around like she was self-promoting her used car lot as some sort of abominable mockery of a wacky waving arm inflatable tube man.

Luckily, she was able to get her remediality under control. Allowing only a few outbursts from time to time. Premature ejacutlation of laughter was still an issue for her though. Patience is a virtue that she still needs to attain. The punchline is right around the corner.

As The Kids In The Hall wrapped up the show, the lights came on. My first thought upon my return to full vision was, Of course you have blue hair! Followed by Fuck! I have been reading too much Cormac McCarthy. As an encore, the “I’m crushing your head!” Guy came out armed with a camcorder. It was hooked up to the screen behind him. He cruised the audience for victims, not volunteers. She was one of the few who stood up, her extroversion casting off the shackles of theatre. She looked and sounded like a god damn berserker who had just quaffed a pint of organic blood before careening into battle. I would love to have seen her get her head crushed, but I guess he has a rule against over exerting volunteerism.

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