Potato Salad Confidential

Monday night 9:00 P.M. We hadn’t eaten dinner yet, but it was on the grill. My wife and I had gone for a run and I was starving. So there I stood in our living room. Watching The Bachelorette and eating from a tub of potato salad. It wasn’t always this way.

It must have started about forty minutes prior. As I mentioned we had just gotten back from a run. Today was a hot and humid son of gun so I was pretty whooped by the time we got home. I fired up the grill and threw the potatoes on. By the time I got back with the corn, I could smell the strong scent of propane. The tank was empty and thus, the grill was off.

Without much thought I unhooked the tank and hauled ass to Home Depot. There was some customer being a pain in the ass in the only line open. Needlessly to say there was a pile of us waiting to pay. A cashier opened up another lane, and the people in front of me and I moved over. Unfortunately for some reason, so did the pain in the ass people.

My wife sent me a text that said she had found ants in our kitchen. The FMLing was certainly strong this evening. I hauled ass and an empty propane tank to the back of the store and got some traps. Then, reclaimed my exact same spot in line. The pains in the ass were gone and the people in front were just finishing up.

After that, everything went pretty smooth except I was so hungry I couldn’t wait. I tore into the potato salad as if my life depended on it. I fed myself the line, I’ll just have one bite, but that potato salad knew how things were going to go down.

So there I stood unable to control anything in my life. No shirt in a dark living room shoveling potato salad into my yap and watching The Bachelorette with complete emotional investment. “Why is that guy crying.” I wonderingly mumbled out loud in an attempt to speak and eat at the same time.

“Because she dumped him on their date and took the helicopter!” my wife replied easily deciphering my potato salad tongue and with more fervor than I would have expected from another person who had also never watched The Bachelorette.

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