Deep Feed

Some mornings are better than others. Most are pretty good in my books. Some nights just aren’t as restful as I would like them to be. After waking up and the rigamarole, the first thing I do before I start writing is check the social media feeds. First! Because I care about each and everyone of you guys, except for one of you – I will let you discuss that. Second! Because there is usually some inspiration or a prompt in there somewhere. I am usually looking for something that makes my blood boil or something I can offer a sane person’s view on.

However, on those mornings that aren’t better than others. Those mornings that are the exception. I get trapped in the deep feed. Hypnotized by the sensation of my index finger constantly scrolling I continue deeper and deeper. Minutes pass and turn into hours that slowly add up to days. The incessant muffled clicks of my mouse wheel drive me deeper and deeper. I come across many things I have already seen. I know this is familiar territory. Old news. I continue. Scrolling and scrolling. Incorporating my scroll wheel on my wacom tablet I can move at a constant speed and use the mouse wheel as a rhythmically incremental speed burst. Is this the closest to time travel I will ever get?

I snap back to attention. Back to sitting at my desk. I realize I have gone to far. So far that I have to use the home key or click the header to get back to my current time. Once back at the beginning, I realize there are new posts. Many things have happened and been shared while I was time travelling. I begin to scroll.

The Lion Poacher

In a darkend auditorium you sit. You have been sitting there for days wondering where the hell Blake is. What is he doing? Why hasn’t he posted? A loud thud from the stage breaks your thoughts.

“Hit the lights!” I yell from a top my soap box. Just the one, I don’t have the patience to fuck around piling boxes tonight.

Walter Palmer poached a lion! While on a trophy hunting trip to Zimbabwe. His hunting group lured a protected lion away from its reserve and killed it, beheaded it, and skinned it. According to the piece of shit, he didn’t realize it was a collared and protected animal. So at no time, did the doctor see a collar that signified that Cecil was a protected cat. A cat with cubs.

Even after the cat had been shot dead and he was in the process of decapitating and skinning it did he realize there was a collar or any other markings. Perhaps, someone in the group removed the collar first as the animal was lured away and then killed. Sounds more like a cheat code than actual hunting. Sounds like he didn’t realize he was right outside a reserve. Sounds like bullshit!

Apparently the good Dr. Palmer already has one other poaching offense on his record. He also had $55,000 burning a hole in his pocket. For his sake, he should probably have more where that came from as he could face extradition to face poaching charges. Good riddance I say. May your superior self-esteem and manliness keep you safe in a Zimbabwean prison.

I usually try to keep it classy and not jump in on the internet vigilantism. I try to practice keeping a level head and seeing things from both sides. Things are different tonight. While I haven’t written a yelp review for his practice or anything else. I sure don’t mind other people doing it. In fact, Davie Jones couldn’t release the Kraken of the internet enough, as far as I am concerned.

Trophy hunting is disgusting and completely reprehensible. I don’t see any point in it. And the predators that partake in the practice are no better than, although not necessarily equal to, many other morally reprehensible predators in our society. You know what I mean.

“Turn the lights back off, please. I feel better now. The next one will be lighter.”

In the darkened auditorium, you hear the sound of my feet walking off stage.

Whistler: Save The Date

For the past few years at this time my wife and I have come to Whistler to hike, relax and enjoy each other’s company. We haven’t done so every year, and even this year we toyed with the idea of doing something different. However, in the end we knew we would have a great time and had plenty of trails we had not yet done. Unfortunately with only a week left, we didn’t get our usual hotel. We still had a great time though.

We have just been going through the photos that we took. I think we have some pretty cool ones. Some were really even a year in the making. I will tell that story in the coming days. And boy do I have quite the tale to go on top of that! I can tell you right now, this won’t be some boring vacation slide show thing.

Happy Anniversersary: Obviously, Ending In A Blog Roll

Well that didn’t schedule correctly. Without further adieu!

Well today our anniversary. It has been quite a few years since we were married and even more since we first started hanging out. And I still love her more with each day. She is my best friend and constant companion. We make a pretty good pair. Like old video game characters we should be forced to wear red and blue outfits, luckily we haven’t been forced to commit that fashion atrocity.

Anyway, we need to get out and go do some fun anniversary stuff. I will tell you about most of it in the next day or so. Heck, there may even be a surprise for readers in the mix to. In the meantime, why not check out some of my fave posts from this week.

In no particular order:

Austin

Strange Remains

Opinionated Man

Vegan Needs

Kepler 452b: Remember Earth 2? What A Lousy Show.

What amazing news! Another planet that is seemingly incredibly similar to our own has been discovered. This could be the beginning of something huge. At around a billion and a half to two billion years older than our own, how does it differ from ours? Early signs point to it being very similar, however we will have to wait quite a few more years before we will know more.

At such huge news I figured it would be trending like crazy. This is the beginning of a real life sci-fi story! Sadly, it has just over 50k tweets on twitter. Now, maybe twitter just isn’t the demographic for Kepler 452b. I mean, maybe earth 2.0 isn’t interested in buying your book off of Amazon! Who knows if the life forms on the planet are just the right amount of sentient to find themselves interested in the Kardashians.

Speaking of life forms, how crazy is that? There could be other life similar to our own! Think of the possibilities! What about all that water you could bottle Nestle! What about all that oil you could suck out of them big oil! It’s a whole new planet the screw up.

Could beings have evolved in a similar way? Is it just a eutopia waiting for Earthlings to come tear it a new asshole? Only time will tell, but I am excited and hopeful that we handle it well.

Americans Not Assholeicans

If you haven’t already heard, Donald Trump seems to be leading other republicans in the polls. In some cases he has almost as twice as much as the next leader. As a sane person, I find this deeply troubling. I know that polls are not an exact reading, but they are something.

Some of the reasons seem to be that he is a breath of fresh air and tells it like it is. I understand the sentiment, but this is a huge misunderstanding. Getting up on stage and being a jerk isn’t telling it like it is. Saying America, we have some issues: bipartisan split, racism, education, healthcare and a crippling debt that makes Greece’s debt look like couch change. That is telling it like it is!

Speaking of the debt, I just can’t trust a guy who filed for bankruptcy and is now back on top of the world. Perhaps he would file the entire country for bankruptcy and get that whole debt thing taken care of at the cost of the entire world’s economy. Before you whip out your American flag and shotgun while screaming, “Wooooooo! Telling it like it is!” I have one question.

“How long has it been since you personally recovered from last economic crash?” Because this one would be much, much worse.

The next elephant in the room is his racism, where does it stop? As a country, we have a lot of issues when it comes to race and religion. We have a lot to work through and we haven’t made nearly as much progress as people want to think. Yet, here is a man that is less than accepting and wants to build some silly wall. Is he running on Pat Buchanan’s 1990 platform? Anyone watch Game of Thrones? The wall didn’t work so well did it! Also, of course Jon Snow isn’t dead!

Donald Trump seems to have a low opinion of everyone. Is that really the kind of guy you want in charge of you? He truly believes he is better than you and that you are stupid and a loser. Sure he hasn’t said as much, but based on everything he has said to everyone else lately, anyone should be able to draw the same conclusion. How could anyone want this man to deal with other countries as he has already pissed off the entire republican party?

When did American’s get this obnoxious chip on their shoulder and feel incessant need to be stubborn, loud, and tell it like it is? We are American’s not Assholeicans. I cannot respect anyone who thinks this man is a viable choice as president. Unless one simply wants to watch the world burn. In which case kudos on using your ballot as a weapon of mass destruction.

I didn’t know what to write. What Happened Next Was Amazing!

Has anyone else had it with this kind of headline? The whole – something did or didn’t happen; resulting in the worst/best thing anyone has ever seen and luckily we have video – approach to getting people to click and share links has been over used. For years now people have been beating a dead horse and now the horse is turning to glue. In other words, man beats dead horse. You will never believe what happens next! Which is a total missed chance to say, “what happens next is sticky situation.”

I am not a journalist and have never worked for a newspaper. Although I can tell you that there is an art to writing headlines that has fallen to the wayside for this cookie cutter approach. I doubt that the following scenario would have happened. Way back in 1969 in a smoke filled room permeated with the incessant punching of typewriters. An overweight and balding head editor puts down the Beefeater and pulls the cigar out of his moustached covered mouth long enough to point his hand skyward and paint the air with the words, “Man in tin can hurled into space. What happens next is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Got to admit, that line is better than most.

CBC vs. The Tories

Apparently a conservative bloated committee of the conservative bloated senate has heard Canadians. In a report, apparently we said we wanted change. Apparently we said that the CBC should get funding from somewhere else. Apparently, we are really concerned with how much Peter Mansbridge makes.

The report says it is time to revisit and update the Broadcasting Act, which hasn’t been updated since around 1991. It goes on to propose a tax on every household that has a TV, which is one way the BBC gets funding. It doesn’t mention if it just the ownership of a television or a cable subscription that triggers the tax. Since no one can pick up CBC with rabbit ears any longer, the practical person would suspect the cable subscription. In this case, I assume these cutting edge forward thinkers will just go with having a TV. In either case it was just a proposal and ultimately nothing to get worked up about.

Stricter policies are also called for in the report in order to deal with issues like Jian Ghomeshi’s and Amanda Lang’s privately. Instead of reacting when they go public. Oh really? Perhaps cut a check and fire them. That is standard operating procedure over in the senate correct? If that doesn’t work just wait for the scandal trial, right?

I love CBC and listen to it almost everyday. I already have to put up with commercials that have totally changed the feng shui. I don’t mind getting taxed or donating. However, since the feds are giving less than half of what other industrialized nations are perhaps that is where somefunding should come from.

Anyone else a CBC fan out there? Any NPR or BBC folks want to empathize?

It Could Have Been Worse

I have a friend who was recently injured in a gym training accident. Her name is Chattanooga Ruffingsberg. I know, I thought it was made a up name too, but it isn’t. Anyway, she was running or jumping over cars or whatever it is that people do in the gym these days. All of a sudden, a muscle or tendon gave way in her leg. Possibly her achilles tendon, but the verdict is still out on that.

I saw a bunch of posts on facebook and wanted to say something, but realized I was going to be too wordy. Besides, with her leg in pain and she isn’t going anywhere. She could use something to read.

Chattanooga, it could have been worse. It could have been much, much worse. I knew a man who once pulled a muscle in his butt. At this juncture I would like to make it clear that it was his right butt cheek. No one can ever say “pulled a muscle in his butt,” without half the room getting all bugged eyed and asking in slack jawed amazement.

“You mean in his butt?”

“No.”

Moving on! This guy, Reingleschneider Humperdinck, was an exchange student from Europe. Lets just agree to disagree and generalize an entire continent. One day while he was out for a run and listening to the soundtrack to The Matrix, his life was changed forever. While running up a hill and blastin’ his glutes the muscles in his right butt cheek gave way. There was a snap and a pop that accompanied the unraveling of the right hemisphere of his derrière. Now he spends his days wearing loose fitting pants with a buttocks that resembles a tube sock with a bowling ball in it. Not a full size bowling ball, one of those nine pin balls.

Writer’s Block

I have been doing this blogging thing for a small bit now. I have seen many posts and articles on the topic of writer’s block. The symptoms, the consequences and how to get through it. So this morning I figured, what the hell, I am going to throw my opinionated hat in the ring.

Writer’s block only exists because it has a name. It isn’t anything special that only affects writers. This type of blockage affects other kinds of creative types to: visual artists, audio artists, even mimes.

Oh, but it is also encountered by those who aren’t shoehorned into the traditionally creative lackadaisical types. Except for them, it is called Monday, not accountant’s block, like it is an affliction only the number crunchers that keep the world turning can catch. Seems kind of pretentious doesn’t it? When people would be doing anything rather than what they have been doing. When laziness catches up and just won’t let go. When the duffle bag labelled Fuches (pronounced: foo-chez) is unzipped and found to be empty. When only if one’s abode were to burst into flames could one peel themselves off the couch and put down the streaming television service. It isn’t necessarily a blockage of inspiration, it can also be an unwillingness to work.

So, do what the rest of the world does. Get behind the wheel of the old busted ass battle worn car. Lift kit and dually axle on the hind end. Rusted and bullet riddled, three toned because the passenger door and hood needed replacing. Netting on the windows. Steel windshield with viewing slots like a tank. A trunk full of guns and sorrow. Bumper stickers that inquire “How is my driving?” state “I am proud of my VES Honor Student,” and “Honk if you are horney.” Kyuss’s Blues for a Red Sun has been stuck in the tape deck for over twenty years and is queued up, right where it needs to. You know, the car you keep in the garage of your heart.

When laziness stands hulking and angry, in tighty whities and a Nixon mask. Drive directly into that son of bitch. Nets on the windows down and flapping in the breeze while you lean out the window unloading a submachine gun. While the other you – this is a metaphor after all – riding shotgun hits the button on the rocket launcher. Then says something funny about how they are riding rocket launcher instead of shotgun. And of course the part of you who subscribes to Freudian thought standing on the hood with an electric guitar slung across their back while unloading a shotgun into the air, for no reason other than to make this scene more awesome.

That is how everyone gets through a Monday. That is how one beats writer’s block. By effing doing it. So go do it!