Columbus Day: A Celebration of Wrong!

Christopher Columbus was a lame ass and is a shining example of what is wrong with western society. Wonder why the Kardashians are popular? Questioning Hasselhoff’s existence? Wondering how some celeb who was all cute and cool turned into a hot mess? People, it is nothing new! In fact, Christopher Columbus may be one of the first losers to climb to the top of the heap.

If memory serves me correct – which it probably doesn’t because after second grade people quit caring about Columbus because he was – I reiterate – a lame ass – he was down on his luck and on the out with the powers that be. I believe he had to practically beg for the money for one last voyage or his set of voyages. One that would lead him through a shortcut to the spice islands or at least to the other side of the continent. Proving that the world was not flat and increasing supplies of cardamom and taco seasoning.

Regardless, he got his funding and had a total of four voyages in the same general direction. Over these voyages he left colonists behind. Did a bit of trading. Killed people. Became the governor and subsequently a tyrant. Faced rebellion from his colonists who thought life sucked. Killed people. Went to jail and was freed. Convinced a fleet of thirty plus ships to follow him for one more go. Lost all but one of those thirty ships. Killed people. Was stranded for over a year. Until someone came to rescue him, against the better judgement of the powers that be. I am sure during that time, he killed people.

Allow me to relate this to the modern era. Men no longer ask for directions to the bowling alley they are trying to get to. They simply drive in the wrong direction for hours on end, much to their wife’s chagrin. When they arrive at the bowling alley, they aren’t the first ones to show up. Yet everyone celebrates how they have found the alley. “See, I told you I knew where we I was going!” Men will say as they read the sign and realize that it isn’t the correct bowling alley at all. To finish off the analogy, they kill people and take over the bowling alley. Done!

So why do we celebrate a man, who wasn’t the first to discover America? Why is there the glossing over that it was America as an entire supercontinent and just areas around modern day Cuba, Central and South America; not any part of the United States of America? Why does the U.S. celebrate him when the rest of the continent – from my quick google searches – does not? I am not suggesting that society erase this guy. Just maybe the U.S. and Europe should quit celebrating him so damn much! Indigenous Peoples day is actually a thing now. Celebrate that!

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