It Was A Long Year Butt Head


2015 is dead! Rather it will be dead tonight. Right now it is just kind of lying there in a pool of its own blood huffing and puffing. Reaching for the alcohol bottle and the lighter so it can cauterize the wounds. Fire and destruction surround the fallen year. Over the horizon, just beyond the bend of earth there are some lights, blue, green, white, every color of the spectrum. Over the crackle of fire 2015 swears there are cheers of happiness from that general direction. People must be happy. Maybe this year wasn’t so bad afterall. Maybe they are cheering on 2015’s death. “You did this to yourself 2015.” Is grunted between pain strickenly clenched teeth. “You always try so hard and everything turns to shit. You knew it was going to end this way.” With that, 2015 departs from this world, from this timeline. Never to be seen again. In the dark, cold and alone.

This scene is the reason why for the, I don’t know, the last six years, maybe, I have been making the same resolution. It is a good one and it is only because I have succeeded at it that I am writing this post. My resolution was, is, and always will be, don’t die! Unless one partied with Motley Crue or GnR back in the 80’s, that is one resolution that can be failed at only once.

Oh sure, I have put it to the test a few times this year. Like that time my wife and I ran into a black bear in the woods. Most recently how about going straight during the protected left turn phase at a traffic light. There was also about a month period around October 15th when I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing about how Back to the Future 2 got it wrong. I would look to the sky and hope that some opulent being would come back and shoot lighting bolts to my ocular cavities to prove to the rest of existence that opulent beings exist and are back to clean house. Nothing like that happened. For now, I will keep atheisting it up, I guess.

For what is worth, 2015, you weren’t so bad. In fact the first nine months were pretty damned good. Maybe that is because they took place so long ago I can’t remember the bad things. The last three months had some rough patches, but they had some good times too. Either way 2015 is dead! Long live 2016!