Racist Costume Party


 

Has anyone else heard about this racist costume party that took place in Kingston, Ontario. That’s right Canada, we have more than our fair share of dipshits too. Although, the U.S. does it so much better. And really, it’s Ontario – wah wah.

Anyway, these – presumably – affluent students got together off campus and dressed like ethnic stereotypes. Then a comedian saw these images and – in the time honored tradition of tattling – started sharing them on social media. Now, many people’s sensitive attitudes have received digital purple nurples. Cue the torches and pitchforks!

There you’re all caught up.

Now,  my thoughts.

  • How are university students so stupid? A racist costume party sounds like a bad idea from  miles kilometers – because Canada – away.
  • Why is the school involved, this took place off campus? It should go to the police and the police will ignore it. You can’t arrest people for just being stupid. Otherwise the U.S. prison system would be full of Duck Dynasty fans and Trump wouldn’t have won because people with a criminal record can’t vote.
  • Is this a joke? Were these students being ironic, tongue in cheek, satirical contrarians? I’ve seen the pictures and I doubt it. The attendents looked pretty dipshitty, but that’s the problem with the internet. Context can be so easily manipulated. We’re all just one contextlessly captioned photo away from being a dipshit and we should make sure we know what we are angry about before reacting.

 

Case and point, I’m still working on it.

 

Wrap it up.

I don’t have any answers. If I did I would be on a cable news show being paid an “experts” wage. Sadly, I am not that egotistical. But let’s face it, Mel Brooks would have a lot of trouble making Blazing Saddles in this day and age. Or at least getting people to watch it and not say “That’s racist.” Mark Twain couldn’t get Huck Fin published without going through some dungeon dwelling hunchback. What’s potentially worse is how a comedian called this out. Talk about a type of person that should be able to take a joke or let things be subjective.

Look, I’m all for notifying assholes that they are assholes. Letting them know their knuckle-dragging, backwater, curmudgeonly ways are done with. These dipshits are probably jerks for attending a racist costume party. However, where’s the line? I don’t see it because it’s so thin. It’s a slippery slope until all of us become employees of Big Brother. How long will it be before those that dawn pink shirts for anti-bullying become what they protest? Just saying, asking, whatever. I don’t have the answers.

 


Thanks for reading! Please share and comment and wonder how long will it be before we can’t be skeletons and ghosts for Halloween?

What I May Have Just Seen On The Internet: Piecakes


 

In this brand new, ground breaking, and hard hitting series – that will occur when I can’t think of anything else to write about – we will discuss, “What I May Have Just Seen On The Internet.” It could be anything! Elves! Elvis! Dire squirrels!

Here are the rules:

  • I can only catch a glimpse of the topic in a feed.
  • I can’t click the link or read the article at all before I start weighing in. Which seems to be a widely accepted practice these days.
  • Only after I write about what I think I saw do I actually investigate what I glimpsed.
  • Then reveal it to you and figure out if I’m right or wrong.

Now, without further adieu…

Piecakes

 

There wasn’t too much that I felt like writing about. To be honest, I’ve been pretty lazy on the writing front lately. I guess it’s just that time of year. Anticipation for the holidays and a good lengthy vacation that can’t get here soon enough. I cannot wait!

It was during one of my classic “how am I going to spend all that time” day dreams that I came across an image in my facebook feed. No, it wasn’t someone’s less than attractive child. Although, what I saw has the ability to make unattractive children even less so. What did I see? Well for those who’ve missed the word twice already it was Piecakes or that is what I am calling them.

At first glance, piecakes may look like a chocolate cake with cherries in it. Maybe there is some sort of cream up in there. Who wouldn’t like that? Upon further inspection, potential diabetics will realize that those cherries are living inside of a pie and that pie is nestled in between two layers of chocolate cake! Hallelueah! Hosanna in the highest and angels on high it is truly the most wonderful time of the year. No wonder way Santa is such a fatty!

The Reveal

Sweet bearded Jesus I was right! Well, except that it’s called Piecaken, which is superior to the name, piecakes. While piecaken is a nod to Turducken – which contains three birds – piecaken is only pie and cake. Maybe someone should turn it into a pudding cake and call it Piecaking. Not complaining, just trying to make things better.

So, this exists and I couldn’t have been happier. I wish I would have left it there. I was trying to find a good image. Below is the best version of what I originally saw. I don’t know who decided to upload the world’s tiniest recipe photo and I don’t want to know the jackasses that blew it up to 1080p. What the hell is wrong with people? My euphoric state was beginning to wane.

piecaken

Before I settled on the photo above I came across many other versions of piecaken. Deviations on the somewhat palatable cherry/chocolate combo. Three different pies inside of one cake! Pumpkin and rhubarb don’t belong on the same plate, much less shoved inside a cake with an apple pie. Lovecraftian abominations with no structural integrity were all I saw. All of them were oozing and collapsing on themselves.  While some had berries, none had any respect.

 

Where do you side delicious or disgusting? Let us know!

 


As alway please like, share, and look both ways before crossing the streets. That’s the one way that I don’t want to lose readership.

Nintendo Classic or Classic Nintendo


 

When the Nintendo Classic was announced, I was excited. Joy filled my heart. Angels sang The Beatles “Because” from their heavenly perches. The sky seemed bluer. And, I could have sworn, that for a moment, Republicans and Democrats were getting along. Then I clicked the link, read about it, and all of that euphoria left me.

There were two things that caused this. First, was the superficial one, the controller ports. I understand that the smaller size prevented Nintendo from using the old inputs, but it just seemed wrong. Not only that, but of all the ports they did use, it’s the ones from the Wii and the Wii U*. Which signified to me who they were trying to target. To quote the best Star Wars character, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” I was right!

There it was, the second and more glaring issue. The thirty games that came pre-installed on it were the only ones we were going to get. No internet connectivity! No SD card slot! Confusion reigned! If it were a movie, I would have been down on my knees with my hands covering my ears while crying as the camera panned around me continuously.

I didn’t get it! It wasn’t for people who still had Nintendo gear. It wasn’t for people looking for a viable and legally digital way to relive the glory days. Fuck me, it wasn’t even for Nintendo to make money after the initial purchase. The Nintendo Classic was for the same people that walk into Bed, Bath, and Beyond and find those Atari and Genesis pre-loaded consoles. They pick them up without a second thought. They look forward to reliving the glory days and sharing those memories with the people in their lives who weren’t there the first time. Let’s call these people, “saps.”

Then they get home and realize the thing is a lackluster knock-off; Cheap, plastic, and missing a vital game that will never appear. Except in this case the console isn’t made by some unheard of company, it’s made by Nintendo. A word that fills us with joy. A name that stands for quality. Then we remember that the Wii U is a lackluster knock-off of last gen consoles and it all makes sense.

I know I sound like an old grumpy hipster. That I am far too cool for such a toy. There is some truth in that, but it’s because I’m cheap and I want my dollar to go as far as it can. There are alternatives like the AVS and Retron series. Yes, they cost a bit more. Sure, both require cartridges, but that means you can play what you want. If buying cartridges isn’t your thing, then why not keep emulating you cheap bastard. Are you a sap?

 

So what do you think, is it your childhood resurrected or a display of Nintendo’s cynical view of their customers?

 


As always, please comment and share.

 

*Apparently they used the controller cable length too 😦

President Trump, Maybe We’ll Laugh


 

Well, the election didn’t turn out how I’d hoped. I assumed it would be a nail biter, but I figured Hillary would have come out on top. I hoped beyond hope that many historical republican voters would turn against Trump. My fingers were crossed that Bernie supporters – like me – would let it go. I’d wished for the progress, that had started eight years ago, to continue. That many would not allow Trump’s hate filled rhetoric to come to describe American’s.

That didn’t happen. Instead we got some guy who is a tumor of the current system – the same system many claim to hate and want changed. I don’t trust him nor agree with him. I don’t think he can do the job. Nor do I want him representing my country.

His words and actions have riled up everyone on both sides. First it was his supporters, by stating or insinuating that everyone not white and straight was the reason for all their problems. Now, the anti-supporters are riled up. Because his policies and everything he has said, is about going back. Every hard earned step toward acceptance and away from humanity’s base fears and emotions is in jeopardy. The all clear has been given to be an entitled hateful chode pasture and while not all of his supporters demonstrate such behavior, many do. Sadly at the moment, many of the anti-supporters do as well.

To Those Who Voted For Him

I get that things need improvement – I wasn’t happy with everything either. Shockingly, we may align on more things than who we voted for reveals at first glance. I know that some haven’t been as lucky as others. Jobs have disappeared and your way of life is endangered. You felt marginalized. The existing powers haven’t done right by you. That you wanted change.

Yet, you re-elected almost all of that non-working congress. An embodiment of the partisan, career politicians, that have been corrupted by lobbyists and work against you. Which was the exact thing you said you were against. If you wanted change so bad, then why aren’t they gone? Was that something you didn’t think about, intended to fix in the next election, or is it because you didn’t really want change?

Perhaps you wanted to not have to aspire to be better any longer. To go back to a simpler time that only exists in John Mellencamp songs and your misunderstanding of Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” Just simple straight white people and jobs. Jobs, jobs, jobs! Who cares about the world economy that your favorite, President Regan, helped set in motion. Screw equality and progress. Fuck the environment! Although, it is hard to have jobs when the fucking planet is on fire. Ironically, we won’t need the goddamn cars you want to make when we are under water!

To All of Us (I’m Almost Done Gripin’)

Maybe it won’t be as bad as I fear. Perhaps Trump – like many politicians – won’t make good on many of his campaign promises. I would be fine with that. Maybe he did it all, just to appeal to the most base, greedy and fearful qualities in some Americans. If nothing else, we get to stress test the shit out of checks and balances and see how well The Founding Father’s designed this governing system.

So, maybe in four years – gahwd forbid eight – we will look back on this and laugh. Things may be different. The sky may be red, cities may be burned out shells, and ambient foreboding dystopian synth loops may be on repeat from the heavens, but we could laugh. I may have an eye patch, developed a love for cigars, replaced my severed right hand with a cybernetic one, love me a leather trench coat, not own a single t-shirt with sleeves, learned to ride a motorcycle, and have a black muscle car with a trunk full of weaponry, but we could laugh, laugh, laugh.

“Get the fuck down!” I yell at you while punching you in the ear and shoving you toward the floor a bit harder than necessary – can’t deny that wasn’t because you voted for Trump. I am continuous motion as my cybernetic hand whips out a kick ass fully automatic shotgun, while my left – still stinging from you ear – pulls out a dystopian future modded uzi. Both open fire on the screeching winged demon that was about to haul you back to its nest and I feed you to its babies. Because that is what the future looks like. Roaming packs of fucking winged demons! All because some fed him after midnight! But we could laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh!

 

 


Feel free to share and comment. I would really appreciate it.