Crossing The Street: Take One Of These


Crossing The Street

Crossing the street is a dangerous thing many of us take for granted. We stop and wait for the little man to tell us to go, look both ways before crossing the street, and then we step off the curb and into the rest of our lives. Which honestly may not be much longer than the next split second. Some car could run a light or whip around the corner and we may not be the wiser.

This is something that happens at the intersection by my work all the time. It’s a weird spot where two winding roads cross and there are straight and left turn lane combos. There’s also not a lot of street lights and a merge lane. One more thing, it’s in the middle of a hill. Some people are climbing others are coming down. I’ve almost been hit by a left turner and a red light runner.

It’s Dangerous To Go Alone Take One Of These.

I have friend, Olympia Von Schuttlesqoot, she’s been nearly hit three to four times in the last year alone. That’s crazy! Someone should write the city! Hey, don’t look at me, I’m already doing my part.

Anyway, Olympia, tired of nearly being hit by a car to death, decided to do something about it. She went out and bought a glow stick that she wears around her neck as she crosses this silly intersection. Some people think it’s so she can be easily seen while crossing the Devil’s Gap. However, I believe it’s so she can squeeze in one last dance party while she lays in a broken heap. Let the beat drop.

No, No, One Of These!

Instead of a glowstick, I chose a much better and more versatile item, a good looking person. Another friend, MccLanahan McGoodlooks, and I were out walking our dogs one day when we happened upon the cursed intersection. We stood and the dogs sat while we waited our turn to cross. There was some chatting, but I was more concerned with taking in my surroundings. I looked from left to right and repeated. He didn’t seem to care and carried the conversation. How could he not be concerned? Maybe he didn’t cross at this intersection much.

My thoughts were driven away as I zeroed in on a left turner. A woman in an SUV sat with her blinker on. Her mouth in a chewing fashion as her hand moved away from her mouth. She looked down, was she looking at her phone? Was she aware of us standing on this corner?

The light turned green. With trepidation, I let the dogs’ feet and my own move forward. MccLanahan stepped out and continued his story. I looked once more and that was when I saw it. The double take followed by the lingeringly lustful gaze. At that moment I realized a cosmic truth. An answer to my questions. She had seen us. MccLanahan wasn’t worried because he didn’t need to worry. Good looking people are always seen, even when crossing the street. If they aren’t, their homely friends typically take the brunt of the attack.

 


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The Bird’s The Word: I Forgot The Bird


The Bird’s The Word

The bird’s the word. Sometimes as I’ve gotten older, especially with all the added stress of adulting, I forget the bird. That means that I forget a word from time to time. A word that, much like a bird, flutters off when I approach.

A few days back I had such an incident and was having trouble remembering a word. This usually isn’t that big of a deal. A momentary lapse in memory and the word shows up. If not, I just use my internal thesaurus and find an acceptable replacement or spray words like a scatter gun, until people get the point. I did the latter.

Did I Say One? Better Make It Three.

In fact, I forgot a word three times in an eight hour period. Because for some reason I felt like using, the exact same word that I could not recall, couldn’t remember to save my life, in three different scenarios. Two of those instances were about the same topic so it’s understandable. The other one was about some other random topic.

Either way, all the conversations were about taking a couple of different things and putting them together. However, putting these things together and getting them to live in harmony is a bit of challenge. I said many sentences and words – oh how the conversations were going so well. Then like a fat kid tripping over the carpet on his run to the buffet for round two of mac and cheese, the conversation fell flat and immediately stopped. Everyone looked at me, the looks on their faces said, “What’s up with fatty?”

The Eagle Has Landed

I stood there silent like the wind had been knocked out me. There was stammering. Then, in the presence of mission critical failure, the deluge of words sprayed forth. Some were close, some weren’t. Hell, I even described what I was trying to say and people started blurting out suggestions. Marry is what we landed on, but it wasn’t the right word. These things being put together weren’t in love, they had differences. It was a hollow victory, a concession, it felt flat. Like drinking water that has sat in a glass for a day.

However, it did work. The conversation moved on and completed. I went on with life and came home. Around nine that night I was preparing coffee for the morning. While I was filling the carafe at the sink, I happened to look over at the coffee machine. In that instant, like a sucker punch of knowledge – BOOM! – I saw the word in my head. It’s time in the sin bin was up and was once again back out on the ice of my vocabulary. The bird’s the word and the bird’s name was reconcile!


I wrote most of this post back in March of 2016. I forgot all about it. When I read the post, I could remember the situation, couldn’t remember the word. For my sanity, I hoped that I had written the word in the post.

 

Featured Image by DAMIANUM CASTRUM from Pexels