I bought a pair of Asics last weekend. I’m a runner, I guess. I’ve been running long enough that I should just be considered a runner. Thing is, I don’t exactly look like a runner. Nor do I do all the weird things runners do. I’ll see you in hell before I attach a fanny pack or visor to my person.


Anyway, around five hundred kilometers, shoes start breaking down. They lose all their good support. They may last a bit longer, but one should start looking for new shoes. Mine had six hundred and fifty seven – that the NSA knows about, I think there is an additional twenty to thirty from undocumented treadmill runs – since I bought them twelve months ago. I needed a new pair of shoes.


Lucky for me, I went to the mall for some other reason and the shoe store was having a grand opening. Everything was twenty percent off. Except for the Asics Optimum 180’s I bought, which were down to $79 from there usual $160. For those of you who call tangents “Break out conversations,” that’s a whopping fifty percent.

It was part of the door crasher deals. The best part is I bought them in the afternoon. The store had been open for hours. I didn’t have to be there early or stand in line.

They also happen to be a very comfortable pair of shoes and I see why everyone has been recommending them. Running is squishy and firm at the same time. Which is usually a one or the other kind of deal. The squish feels more supportive than the foam that New Balance has. They feel great!

*This is an Arrested Development reference. If you haven’t watched it yet, add yet another tally to the poor life decisions column.

Hey Dumbass: Segue doesn’t fucking mean what you think it means

grammar, writing

Hey Dumbass! Segue doesn’t fucking mean what you think it means. No, I’m not talking about segway, the stupid little two wheel vehicle that is fueled by sex life or lack there of I’m not quite sure how it works. Either way, people who ride segways either don’t have sex or have such serious game that they enjoy the added challenge of trying to look hot as shit while riding an adult big wheel. No, I’m talking about the word segue, the one that everyone uses wrong. Don’t even bother googling it, I’ll tell you what it means. Just read on.

You see segue originally meant, “An uninterrupted piece of music or film.” A seamless transition from one piece to another. It’s Italian and literally literally* means “follow.”

Sure, it seems plausible that the word could be used to describe seamless transitions in other media and works. Like moving immediately to book two of The Song of How the Court Wizard Stole My Sex Life septilogy after completing the first one.

What it does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination or gerrymandering of the lexicon is to talk about one thing and then start talking about a diff-ucking-erent topic. To talk about a different topic would be a tangent or for the politically correct crowd who are afraid of upsetting people who suck at math, “A break out conversation.”

The only way using segue to define talking about one thing and then changing topics is proper usage is if one means it ironically and doesn’t mean it at all. However, since you’re reading this and I just wrote it, neither of us are all that smart. How ironic could we possibly be?

*Yes, I meant to double up on “literally.” Due to flagrant misuse of the word literally, it’s now necessary to double up when one actually literally means what one is literally saying.