What I May Have Just Seen On The Internet: Piecakes


 

In this brand new, ground breaking, and hard hitting series – that will occur when I can’t think of anything else to write about – we will discuss, “What I May Have Just Seen On The Internet.” It could be anything! Elves! Elvis! Dire squirrels!

Here are the rules:

  • I can only catch a glimpse of the topic in a feed.
  • I can’t click the link or read the article at all before I start weighing in. Which seems to be a widely accepted practice these days.
  • Only after I write about what I think I saw do I actually investigate what I glimpsed.
  • Then reveal it to you and figure out if I’m right or wrong.

Now, without further adieu…

Piecakes

 

There wasn’t too much that I felt like writing about. To be honest, I’ve been pretty lazy on the writing front lately. I guess it’s just that time of year. Anticipation for the holidays and a good lengthy vacation that can’t get here soon enough. I cannot wait!

It was during one of my classic “how am I going to spend all that time” day dreams that I came across an image in my facebook feed. No, it wasn’t someone’s less than attractive child. Although, what I saw has the ability to make unattractive children even less so. What did I see? Well for those who’ve missed the word twice already it was Piecakes or that is what I am calling them.

At first glance, piecakes may look like a chocolate cake with cherries in it. Maybe there is some sort of cream up in there. Who wouldn’t like that? Upon further inspection, potential diabetics will realize that those cherries are living inside of a pie and that pie is nestled in between two layers of chocolate cake! Hallelueah! Hosanna in the highest and angels on high it is truly the most wonderful time of the year. No wonder way Santa is such a fatty!

The Reveal

Sweet bearded Jesus I was right! Well, except that it’s called Piecaken, which is superior to the name, piecakes. While piecaken is a nod to Turducken – which contains three birds – piecaken is only pie and cake. Maybe someone should turn it into a pudding cake and call it Piecaking. Not complaining, just trying to make things better.

So, this exists and I couldn’t have been happier. I wish I would have left it there. I was trying to find a good image. Below is the best version of what I originally saw. I don’t know who decided to upload the world’s tiniest recipe photo and I don’t want to know the jackasses that blew it up to 1080p. What the hell is wrong with people? My euphoric state was beginning to wane.

piecaken

Before I settled on the photo above I came across many other versions of piecaken. Deviations on the somewhat palatable cherry/chocolate combo. Three different pies inside of one cake! Pumpkin and rhubarb don’t belong on the same plate, much less shoved inside a cake with an apple pie. Lovecraftian abominations with no structural integrity were all I saw. All of them were oozing and collapsing on themselves.  While some had berries, none had any respect.

 

Where do you side delicious or disgusting? Let us know!

 


As alway please like, share, and look both ways before crossing the streets. That’s the one way that I don’t want to lose readership.

What I May Have Just Seen On The Internet: Handwiches


In this brand new, ground breaking, and hard hitting series – that will occur when I can’t think of anything else to write about – we will discuss, “What I May Have Just Seen On The Internet.” It could be anything! Elves! Elvis! Dire squirrels!

Here are the rules:

  1. I can only catch a glimpse of the topic in a feed.
  2. I can’t click the link or read the article at all before I start weighing in. Which seems to be a widely accepted practice these days.
  3. Only after I write about what I think I saw do I actually investigate what I glimpsed.
  4. Then reveal it to you and figure out if I’m right or wrong.

Now, without further adieu…


Handwiches

The name handwiches conjures imagery of some jack-ass in the nineties trying to make fat kids fatter and those annoying chain restaurants with movie memorabilia everywhere that make their employees sing “Happy Birthday” to you. Let’s face it, there isn’t anything happy about those birthdays and I highly doubt there is anything happy about handwiches.

 

Perhaps your imagination is running hogwild and you’ve already envisioned a pair of  crusty gluten gauntlets that one wears while noshing some sandwich fillage. If so, I think we may have seen the same thing and it’s totally cool to gag.

 

Why for the love of fuck would anyone want to stuff their hands into the bread and hold the sandwich filling between their fingers? I’m trying it right now with my hands and air. It sucks! Do I eat fingers or palm first? My elbows kind of hurt. I keep having to move my bottom hand which is making all my imaginary fillings fall out. So frustrating!

 

Also, on more than one occasion I bit down and caught my finger. Not only does that hurt, but my finger is slobbery and  gross. The armor like bread is being stripped away leaving me susceptible to more such attacks. Which also means the bread to filling ratio is going to be off rather quick. Sounds like a great way to carbo load! So sanitary! What about the stuff under my fingernails and dry skin. Oh gawd! This is totally the stuff illegitimate dreams are made of!

The Reveal

 

At this time I would like to calm down and have a look at what has filled my head with such horror. For humanity’s sake, I hope that it’s just my imagination. That some venture capitalist didn’t back some insane baker who watched the first twenty minutes of Edward Scissorhands too many times. Oh crap!

 

 

So what do you think gross or are you preordering a pair right now? Oh would you look at that, they come with raisins. Which is the perfect for simulating liver spots.

 

Shoutout to the clickbait site that posted this crap and thanks for not including a write up on bread gloves. You’re welcome for the clicks and thanks for the memories jerks!


Please comment, share, and don’t buy bread gloves.