President Trump, Maybe We’ll Laugh


 

Well, the election didn’t turn out how I’d hoped. I assumed it would be a nail biter, but I figured Hillary would have come out on top. I hoped beyond hope that many historical republican voters would turn against Trump. My fingers were crossed that Bernie supporters – like me – would let it go. I’d wished for the progress, that had started eight years ago, to continue. That many would not allow Trump’s hate filled rhetoric to come to describe American’s.

That didn’t happen. Instead we got some guy who is a tumor of the current system – the same system many claim to hate and want changed. I don’t trust him nor agree with him. I don’t think he can do the job. Nor do I want him representing my country.

His words and actions have riled up everyone on both sides. First it was his supporters, by stating or insinuating that everyone not white and straight was the reason for all their problems. Now, the anti-supporters are riled up. Because his policies and everything he has said, is about going back. Every hard earned step toward acceptance and away from humanity’s base fears and emotions is in jeopardy. The all clear has been given to be an entitled hateful chode pasture and while not all of his supporters demonstrate such behavior, many do. Sadly at the moment, many of the anti-supporters do as well.

To Those Who Voted For Him

I get that things need improvement – I wasn’t happy with everything either. Shockingly, we may align on more things than who we voted for reveals at first glance. I know that some haven’t been as lucky as others. Jobs have disappeared and your way of life is endangered. You felt marginalized. The existing powers haven’t done right by you. That you wanted change.

Yet, you re-elected almost all of that non-working congress. An embodiment of the partisan, career politicians, that have been corrupted by lobbyists and work against you. Which was the exact thing you said you were against. If you wanted change so bad, then why aren’t they gone? Was that something you didn’t think about, intended to fix in the next election, or is it because you didn’t really want change?

Perhaps you wanted to not have to aspire to be better any longer. To go back to a simpler time that only exists in John Mellencamp songs and your misunderstanding of Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” Just simple straight white people and jobs. Jobs, jobs, jobs! Who cares about the world economy that your favorite, President Regan, helped set in motion. Screw equality and progress. Fuck the environment! Although, it is hard to have jobs when the fucking planet is on fire. Ironically, we won’t need the goddamn cars you want to make when we are under water!

To All of Us (I’m Almost Done Gripin’)

Maybe it won’t be as bad as I fear. Perhaps Trump – like many politicians – won’t make good on many of his campaign promises. I would be fine with that. Maybe he did it all, just to appeal to the most base, greedy and fearful qualities in some Americans. If nothing else, we get to stress test the shit out of checks and balances and see how well The Founding Father’s designed this governing system.

So, maybe in four years – gahwd forbid eight – we will look back on this and laugh. Things may be different. The sky may be red, cities may be burned out shells, and ambient foreboding dystopian synth loops may be on repeat from the heavens, but we could laugh. I may have an eye patch, developed a love for cigars, replaced my severed right hand with a cybernetic one, love me a leather trench coat, not own a single t-shirt with sleeves, learned to ride a motorcycle, and have a black muscle car with a trunk full of weaponry, but we could laugh, laugh, laugh.

“Get the fuck down!” I yell at you while punching you in the ear and shoving you toward the floor a bit harder than necessary – can’t deny that wasn’t because you voted for Trump. I am continuous motion as my cybernetic hand whips out a kick ass fully automatic shotgun, while my left – still stinging from you ear – pulls out a dystopian future modded uzi. Both open fire on the screeching winged demon that was about to haul you back to its nest and I feed you to its babies. Because that is what the future looks like. Roaming packs of fucking winged demons! All because some fed him after midnight! But we could laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh!

 

 


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Mike Pence Tapped For Major Motion Picture 2020


The following is a little satirical article I’ve had sitting in a folder for awhile now. Thought that Election Eve would be a special enough occasion to pull it out. Enjoy! Or not.


 

Over the last few weeks, the Trump campaign has experienced more than it’s fair share of setbacks. Many of these incidents occur when he opens his mouth in public or around recording equipment. Most recently were the recordings of him displaying how to sexually harass women. Not that anyone with a good judge of character needed a tape of him demonstrating how to be a gross 80’s Guy to know that he’d probably done such things.

As soon as that tape was released, Mike Pence began to distance himself. Saying that, “He was disgusted and was going to pray for Donald and his family.” In an effort to look like good people, other republicans began to renounce their support. During the same period, it was announced that Pence was a front runner for president in 2020.

When asked, Pence responded – after several minutes of anti-Hillary commentary – with this, “To answer your question though, I’m flattered that the GOP has put me at the top of their list. However, after running with Donny for the last year, I’ve lost my taste for politics. It’s really done a number on me. I feel that something higher is calling me. Something that is bigger than me, America and Donald.”

When asked if that calling was philanthropy, charity, or to help the down trodden, he just looked as if he’d never heard anything more off base in his entire life.

“No, I’ve been in talks with Hollywood producers about portraying a role that has been near and dear to my heart for a long time. A man that I grew up watching and who helped shape me into the exemplary man I am today. I’ve been tapped to play Race Bannon in the live action Jonny Quest reboot in 2020. Heck, it may be even sooner if Donald’s past keeps catching up with him and we don’t get into office.” He finished with a wry grin.

Jonny Quest fans, keep your fingers crossed.

pencebannon