Sick On My Birthday: You Didn’t Have To Patient Zero

Well, it’s finally happened. I’m sick on my birthday! It took nearly half of my calculated life expectancy based on the national average life expectancy. I thought it could never happen to me. I’d never be sick on my birthday! Seriously, what kind of loser catches a cold in July? It’s hot, the human body isn’t wasting energy trying to keep warm and people are outside. How could anyone, anyone, be sick right now? It’s summer for the love of ghawd!

Granted this has been the slowest rolling summer ever. Mile long trains have been known to get moving faster than this season has. Sunburn one day. In a hoodie and jeans the next, albeit while still getting sunburned. Then rain for days. Which, the rain isn’t bad at all, it’s just odd that it’s happening.

I started feeling bad three days ago. Patient zero admitted he was sick three days prior to that. To that end, this could is just about over. I’ve probably already given it to people before I even knew what was happening. Luckily, it’s nothing like the cold I had a few months ago. My nose is just really snotty and I feel lazy. Sadly, I can only taste about forty percent of what eat and drink. Which is going to put a damper on the celebratory consumption.

I need to go party as much as I can. Here are some misquotes about being sick on my birthday. I made them up. Please, don’t sue me.

Tyler Durden said it:

“On a long enough timeline, everyone will be sick on their birthday.”

Bon Jovi said better:

“I’m a cowboy. On transit I ride. I’m si-ick!”


“On my birthday,  on my birthday-yay, on my birthday.”

Has anyone drawn comparisons between the video for “Blaze of Glory” and Fallout 3?

Facebook Party: Reminding Me My Birthday Is Coming

Facebook told me that it’s party time. It’s had enough of my lack of planning birthday parties and felt that I needed to get a head start on it this year. Especially since I’m getting older and need more time for everything. Reaction time is at historical lows. Hell, it took me a good minute to recall the word, reaction. Thanks for looking out for me Facebook, you know me better than I know myself! Time for a Facebook party! (Bwa-bwa-bwahing of airhorns)

Now, I’m not one of those people that traditionally fear the annual age increase. The promise of good times and putting more distance between me and my formative years is still enticing. If I’m surrounded by friends on the day I put another tick on the board of death, so much the better. Simply put, I enjoy it, I just don’t make a big deal about it.

Part of it’s because I find it unbecoming when people pump up their birthdays. Sure guests love to have a good time, but does anyone need eight reminders for a White Rose Formal for a thirty one year old? I don’t even know what a White Rose Formal is! It sounds like something I made up on the spot, but whatever.

That’s just a personal opinion of course. No need to have witch hunts and put people on trial. Calm down internet, because here comes the twist. I also find it unbecoming when people don’t promote it at all. People need a heads up. Especially those that are close. This also includes coworkers. No one wants to discover it’s the big day while sitting on the birthday person’s lap. That’s just awkward Steve!

Of course maybe all of this is a symptom of my birthday remembrance guilt. I can’t remember people’s birthday for anything. Yet, many people can remember mine. Sure it helps that it’s on a holiday, but one can never tell if the people in my life are just super duper and remember my birthday or have an annual alcohol fueled Jim Morrison adventure and are told it’s my birthday by a French orangutan in the desert.

Yet, who needs drugs and a chatty ape when one has Facebook? It’s been reminding people of birthdays for years. Which is great for schmucks like me. Now, it has a new feature that reminds the birthday person the big day is approaching. That way they can go about setting up some gnarly shindig. Facebook party! The reminder contains all the Facebook information necessary to throw a great party: date, time, place and of course, the people. Making my life better and my wife’s life easier because she doesn’t have to prod the information out of me. But then, what would we have to talk about? I closed the window and went on with my life. Thus ensuring a communicative marriage.



Birthday BBQin’

Now time for something a little less heavy. I know that many of my recent topics have been about political and social issues. Then I had a few terse words for smokers yesterday. Today is going to be different! [Steps down off of soapbox. Digs index fingers into the corners of lips and pulls up. Although to some it may appear that I am baring my teeth, I am indeed smiling.]

I recently had a birthday. Basically, a trilogy of days filled with back to back excellence. I would say that it all began when I was finishing up a previous blog post, listening to jazz with a tumbler of Glenlivet at my side. Not a double as I don’t want to end up drunk dialling on my blog.

My wife was busy in the kitchen baking an absolutely delicious carrot cake from scratch. She stayed up late finishing it for the party the next day. Even though the cake had cooled, it was so warm in our place that the frosting kept melting. She had to intermittently put the cake back in the fridge.

For the party we had a small group of people over. There was plenty of food, even though the entire day I was worried that there wasn’t going to be enough. Guests brought stuff too so in the end we had tofu burgers, veggie dogs, corn, potatoes, salad, an assortment of chips and of course beer. Plenty of beers from the local breweries. Delicious.

On top of a google play card, my wife also got me a writing journal that at the moment is still blank, but I have been carrying it around with me. Some other friends gave me some beers and some books and in general the gift of friendship. Just showing up was gift enough!

While it wasn’t intended as a gift, being told that Nazareth is responsible for Hair of the Dog also counts. I wasn’t alone in thinking it was AC/DC, although other than the part where he is screaming “ASUNUVBITCH!” it sounds nothing like AC/DC.

The BBQ was a great time! In fact after everyone had gone home I just kept saying, “We should do that again, maybe this time with tacos!” The feature image is of what remains of the carrot cake. In hindsight we should have taken a picture when it was whole, but forgot in the heat of the moment.