I Am The By-Law (Part Two)

(Continued From)

These folks are class A douche bags. These people are the ones who take away the hope for the survival of the human race. Who will bend every rule until it breaks. Who are only looking out for themselves.

After I made the phone call to the by-law office, I returned to the kitchen and started unloading the groceries. As I whirled around the kitchen with the mastery of a reusable grocery bag unloading ninja, my wife walked into the kitchen. She said that the guys were dragging and carrying the junk from the pile down the alley to a dumpster that didn’t belong to the building.

I did the only thing a reasonable Jimmy Stewart inspired citizen of the world would do. I grabbed my phone, ran out on the balcony and started filming. So it didn’t happen all that fast. I had to play it cool. By the time I got out on the balcony, they had started loading the van. Part of me thought that they were loading the rest up to take to the dump. I knew that wasn’t the case though. As the van drove out of the alley, I set my phone up for video and was recording by the time they came around the other end.

They apparently couldn’t see me while I recorded them dumping everything into a dumpster. I felt that I wasn’t doing enough. Sure I had video evidence, but why watch a crime being committed through the screen of my phone? Besides, judging by the remaining pile of junk, they were going to have to make one last trip.

I walked down to the store the dumpster belonged to. At this point I realized how crazy I could look. The guy behind the counter was happy enough to see me. As I said, “I don’t know if you care or not, but there are guys throwing away counters and toilets in your dumpster. They are about to come back for another trip.” He did care as he yelled that I was the man as I walked out. I turned the corner just in case he needed back up.

“Can I help you bud?” The guy behind the counter asked as he and a gruff looking older fellow stepped out on their back step. The jerks froze. Counter top in hand while standing next to the dumpster. At this moment I decided to fade away and detach myself from the situation. The store people had it under control. As I walked away, I realized a possible error in my action. Which was the jerks could just take all the junk to some other dumpster. I never saw them again though. They have never come back at all. I assumed they would appear again the next week and park in the laneway.

I Am The By-Law

For the past week, someone has been parking a van illegally in the laneway behind our place. On Friday evening, they left a pile of junk from the renovations. I am talking large objects like laminate countertops, ceramic and stainless steel sinks, and even toilets. Also included, were paint cans and other painting supplies and just junk.

I figured they were going to pick it up so it wasn’t that big of a deal. The pile stayed throughout Saturday. In addition to the van some douchey luxury sedan would show up and park in the alley as well. I would like to add that there is plenty of street parking around our place. Still I let it go, I figured it would be over soon enough.

On Sunday I tried to egress said laneway, but this time the van was parked like a jerk. Which forced me to navigate an area between the van and a power pole not much larger than my car. My car isn’t that large so any larger vehicle would have a much more difficult time.

Once I was back inside, I gave the old by-law office a call and reported it. Almost immediately, my call was answered. I thought “Zowy! These folks are on the ball for a Sunday. We are going to bust these guys for sure!” The dispatcher asked me if they were loading the junk and I told them everything I have told you. Within thirty minutes after the call the douchey sedan was back. Twenty minutes after that the by-law officer showed up. The car was already gone. The pile had diminished and the guys were loading more of it into the van. Making me look like I was a crazy by-law office calling neighbor. Everything I had said was wrong. Oh, if only the by-law officer had been two minutes sooner.