Habanero Hot Step

I woke up this morning with a stomach ache. It could possibly have something to do with the four s’mores I slammed last night. Although more than likely it had something to do with all the homemade habanero salsa I consumed instead.

I had never made habanero salsa before, but I’d had a bee in my bonnet ever since I’d ate some definition altering sauce at Santeria in Portland. I wanted to make a sauce that was similar. Something thicker and with more low end flavor than those runny sauces that, while delicious, are a one note runny vehicle for heat, salt, and vinegar. When I saw habaneros on sale at the grocery store, I knew that yesterday was the day.

One thing I hadn’t counted on was pepper spraying the entire apartment. Habaneros are some serious shit compared to the jalapenos I use for my regular salsa. My wife was coughing like crazy from the other room and I would too from time to time. Heating up habaneros makes the spicy heat airborne. A cough would force us to inhale and we would be forced to cough more. Even with the exhaust fan on, there was no escaping it.

I persevered though and continually tasted the salsa, ensuring I had the proper amount of onion, garlic, and cilantro. My version is dang close to what I was trying to imitate. So in celebration I marinated some tofu and pulled out the slaw and pico de gallo I already had on hand and made tacos for dinner.

I pretty much drenched my share with the habanero salsa before adding sriracha and another homemade salsa on top. By the end of dinner my nose was running and I was sweating big time. Not only due to the peppers, but we are in the middle of a heatwave. Then I ate four s’mores, three my wife knows about – until she reads this.

Back to today, my tried and true solution for getting rid of a stomach ache is to go for a run. I mean I could lay on the couch for ten hours, but that ain’t my bag. So I went for a solid ten kilometer run, in the middle of a gaddamn heatwave. I had no water left by the time I finished and made beelines for any sprinklers I saw along the last stretch. I also had my belt on in precarious spot that caused my shirt to chafe my chest.

So when I get home, I am sweating buckets, my legs are tired, my left nipple is just on the cusp of bleeding, and I still had a stomach ache. Oh and few hours later, the clouds moved in, engulfing the sun and dropping the temperature. Oh well, having a lovely lunch with my wife was great and the peanut butter and jelly donut was the perfect ending to the afternoon.

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National Doughnut Day

Today is National Doughnut Day. A day to unwind and let diets fall by the wayside. A day to tell trainers and life coaches to take a hike. A day to storm the beaches of Normandy! Wait, what? Oh shit. No, that was last year and it was very insensitive. I came home and wrote an angry blogpost that I never posted:

Today isn’t very fun at all, in fact there should probably be a somber tone. A quiet moment of reflection. This isn’t just for one country, this is for a lot of them. It was World War II and I believe the soldiers and this day deserve some respect.

The marketing whiz kid at Dunkin’ Donuts or Krispy Kreme or wherever the little twit works may be rolling in the cash. All because he put his kindergarten education to full use. Today is D-Day, you know what starts D and you can eat?”

Do you really want me to answer that insensitive marketing twit?

“Doughnuts!”

Very good marketing twit! Totally not what I was thinking, but you do your own thing. Also, way to taint an important day in history with a silly holiday for a food that certainly does need to be celebrated. You see, doughnuts are quite possibly my favorite food. I love them in almost all of their shapes and flavors. From lowliest convenience store white powdered doughnuts. To the borderline obscenely expensive hipster doughnuts with hints of lavender and star anise.

I remember celebrating National Doughnut Day 2014. I updated the statuses and twittered the tweets. Then I realized what day it was and how grotesquely wrong it all was. Although, I have read that doughnut day does have its roots in WWI, when doughnuts were handed out to soldiers. This is where the terms doughgirl and doughboy come from, or so I hear. At that time, doughnuts were a newly discovered taste treat for westerners. Regardless, tomorrow is D-Day. So it is all good to cut loose and stuff faces today.

This is truly the holiest of holidays. Thanksgiving is okay and all, but this is the type of stuff I want to pig out on. No gravy, mashed potatoes, or tofurkey to somewhat satiate my appetite with. Just me and a box of doughnuts. I apologize for anyone who gets their hands in my way. By the way, I got the number for a guy that makes the best hook hands.

I eat protein, vegetables and  everything else to feed my body. I read to feed my mind. I eat doughnuts to feed my soul. Honestly, even the worlds biggest, coldest, most condescending prick can’t resist the feel good vibes one gets after eating a doughnut or two. Middle-earth would have been a lot different had that ring been made, not of metal, but delicious glazed golden fried dough. So go grab a box and take it to work. Better yet, screw those people and keep it all for yourself! Have a doughnut or two! Who am I kidding, have three or four. There is no shame, not today! Remember no matter how one spells it, the first two letters in doughnuts, are “Do!”