Phone Case: The Case of The Missing Case

Phone case, does one’s phone truly need one? I mean they protect our phones and everything, but are they really necessary or are they just one more way to milk us for every dime we have? For those that missed it, I got a Google Pixel, but I didn’t get a phone case for it yet. I know, that sounds crazy. Why walk around with a beautiful metal and glass phone in your pocket. Phones are so expensive and ever so slightly slick to the touch as they’re pulled out of said pocket. No case, no rules. Naked as gawd intended.

Here’s the thing, the purchase of the phone was rather impromptu. One moment we were eating lunch and the next we were buying a phone. I didn’t have time to look for cases. Furthermore, at some moment in between those two extremes I said, “I don’t want to buy a case this time.” My wife gave me the look anyone would give someone who’s catastrophically dropped their phone twice and then says they aren’t going to buy a case.

It doesn’t help that my old phone is physically coming apart. However, that falling apart really comes from me pulling the case off to shove the phone in my armband when I run. The phone case always got stuck on the buttons and recently caused the screen to separate from the frame. I could see the little glowing lights underneath. It certainly was a mesmerizing peer behind the curtain. One that I can’t unsee and may have contributed to the unraveling of my sanity.

It doesn’t help that my old phone is physically coming apart. However, that falling apart really comes from me pulling the case off to shove the phone in my armband when I run. The phone case always got stuck on the buttons and recently caused the screen to separate from the frame. I could see the little glowing lights underneath. It certainly was a mesmerizing peer behind the curtain. One that I can’t unsee and may have contributed to the unraveling of my sanity.

Moving on! I feel like I need to add – possibly jinxing myself – I haven’t dropped the phone yet. This story will end fine, hopefully. I love my new phone, a lot. While I think it looks great, it is very slick when I hold it. When I’m standing with it in my hands, I imagine I look like a toddler with a sippy cup and a beard. Both hands cling to it, for the sustenance it contains is all that matters. There’s a maladroitness to the whole scene. Of course, the chances of me losing my shit and flinging my phone with rando toddler rage are very low. In fact, mental cognizance is fully off the charts. I am fully aware of myself, my surroundings and all alternate futures that fork into a web from my current position in time and space.

That’s no good! No one wants to look at their phone with such awareness. People want to zone out. It’s the only way to internet. I don’t even know if twitter could even function if people actually knew what they were doing. To that end, I’ve softened on my anti-phone case position. I can’t tell if it’s familiarity or actual necessity, but there’s a sense of security that comes from having a phone case.

Yet, I can’t help but wonder. Why do laptops, tablets and phones – in particular – have an entire symbiotic industry built up around them? Phone cases invade our phones and, on the off chance they are dropped, may provide some level of protection. That’s all the good they do!  That’s almost parasitic! Why do phone companies not just make the screen look nice and leave the guts hanging out the back of the phone? At least the case wouldn’t detract then. What’s the point of making a nice looking product if people are simply going to cover it up?

It would be like buying a Lamborghini, which, according to some people is a great looking machine. I’ll take their word for it. Mostly so they quit asking me to do coke and cease giving me high fives. And besides, I can’t hear anything they are saying over Don Johnson’s Heartbeat. Look, someone designed the Lamborghini to look appealing and go fast. Not in the same manner as technology, but the principles are relative. Look good! Go Fast!

Could anyone imagine buying a Lamborghini and then covering it up with a case? Obviously, it would detract from the, “Look Good!” However, it would also cause drag and effect the, “Go Fast!” What would a case even look like? Maybe it would be like one of those eighties sling shot bikini things – that were essentially four shoelaces radiating from an oven mitt – and some puffy boxing headgear. Before you ask, yes, of course, it’s red! It also comes in yellow.


New Phone, Google Pixel: Anxieties of the First World

Yesterday I bought a Google Pixel. I’m upgrading from a Nexus 5, which has been a great phone. In fact, it still works as well as the day I got it. I never had the button issues or any other problems. However, there a few reasons that I upgraded, one is the fact that my plan price stays the same whether I’m paying off a phone or not. I’m afraid if I did any tweaking to it, I’d end up paying more when I got a new phone. Secondly, I’ve had a crack on the screen for the better part of two years and one time my screen began to peel away from the frame. I managed to get it to stick together again though. Lastly, the Nexus 5 quit being supported in October of 2016. It’s a ballsy move to wander around these days without security updates.

I bought my new amazing phone. It was everything I liked about the Nexus 5 just better and newer. The body is metal. Interacting with the interface is snappy. It came with an OTG adapter which allowed me to transfer apps and text messages from my old phone to my new one. It was very much like the premise for X-Men: Apocalypse. Plus, I can use that OTG adapter for plugging a controller into the phone for gaming. What’s not to love?

Well, nothing. It’s all great! And yet! I was flying through the phone, checking stuff out when I come across a news story. It’s something that I’ve read about in a general sense and then completely forgot about. Google’s three year plan. The Google Pixel will only be supported until October 2019! One year of that time will only be security updates! I know that technology is ever progressing, but reading that your brand new phone has a year and half of good updates and one more of security updates is a head-butt to the no-no’s. Especially when reading it on the new phone after purchasing it two hours prior. In fact, I have the authority to say, “Google, that fuckin’ sucks!”

Sure, one could argue that people typically update their phones every two to three years or so due to plan renewals. However, people typically do trade-ins and other people purchase those trade ins*. Yet these phones will be useless unless the user puts LineageOS on it. No carrier is going to do that! Furthermore, three years of life from the release date is a little tight. Not all parts of the world get the phone at the same time. Will people only have a year of support left when they get their Pixel?

Seriously, my Nexus 5 is still running fine despite its physical maladies. I think it’s still got one good year of life in it at least. It’s one of those things where if it were a four year plan, I’d feel better about it. Hell, how about a nice round number like five? The same number the Apple is apparently using as the iPhone 5s is going to get the iOS11 update. Google! Fix it!


I also own a Nexus 7 (2013). Same story, but in perfect physical condition.

*or maybe they all just wind up on a barge in the Pacific that eventually sinks

An Open Letter to Google Play Music. (Yes, I sent it to ’em!)

 Censored music, really? There should be an account setting for censored or explicit. After all I can block explicit music on my instant mixes. I am thirty-five years old. I know where babies come from. I can stand a few f-bombs in my music. Also, due the fact that I am thirty-five, I have better things to do than to check explicit for each individual song. Because of this I will not be uploading my impressive collection of 90’s gangsta rap. This has been a problem since launch. C’mon. Al’s cool, not Tipper. Save the environment, not people’s ears from f-bombs.