Williams Lake: Pre-Mature Injectulation

grammar, writing

I heard something interesting on tonight’s news. Something that was interesting only because of how out of left field and uninformed it was. Something that made me stop preparing dinner and walk into the living room. Something that made me sit down and giggle.

Williams Lake is a small town in British Columbia. It is just about six hours north of Vancouver. Apparently crime and crazy are running rampant in that town. So much so that the city council voted unanimously to “inject” high risk and prolific offenders with GPS technology. Something that doesn’t really exist except on the pages of sci-fi novels and probably in tin foil hat top secret government hoobajoobery labs. Not only that, passing such laws seem a bit out of the jurisdiction of municipal government.

City councilman Scott “His Hair Isn’t The Craziest Thing About Him” Nelson put the motion forward. He also mentioned something about watching these criminals 24/7 all year round. Of course, he wouldn’t be watching them. Unless is magic eight ball counts and only during commercial breaks of reruns of Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura.

I am of course, putting words in Scott Nelson’s mouth. Which is probably better for him in the long run. At least he won’t sound as crazy. While I am helping him out, he also said “Why not graft rainbow colored angel wings and unicorn horns to the offenders as well. At least that way, people will see them coming!”

If I lived in Williams Lake, I think I would be furious that time and money were spent voting on such an insipid topic. What it really sounds like is that the powers that be have lost control and don’t have any idea what to do.

 

Kepler 452b: Remember Earth 2? What A Lousy Show.

What amazing news! Another planet that is seemingly incredibly similar to our own has been discovered. This could be the beginning of something huge. At around a billion and a half to two billion years older than our own, how does it differ from ours? Early signs point to it being very similar, however we will have to wait quite a few more years before we will know more.

At such huge news I figured it would be trending like crazy. This is the beginning of a real life sci-fi story! Sadly, it has just over 50k tweets on twitter. Now, maybe twitter just isn’t the demographic for Kepler 452b. I mean, maybe earth 2.0 isn’t interested in buying your book off of Amazon! Who knows if the life forms on the planet are just the right amount of sentient to find themselves interested in the Kardashians.

Speaking of life forms, how crazy is that? There could be other life similar to our own! Think of the possibilities! What about all that water you could bottle Nestle! What about all that oil you could suck out of them big oil! It’s a whole new planet the screw up.

Could beings have evolved in a similar way? Is it just a eutopia waiting for Earthlings to come tear it a new asshole? Only time will tell, but I am excited and hopeful that we handle it well.