Is It Politically Correct To Go Fly The Confederate Flag?

I was digging through my site statistics. Way down at the bottom of the list, I saw that someone had found one of my blog posts by searching “Is it politically correct go fly the confederate flag.” Exactly like that. Word for word. Copy and pasted.

I am not certain if they found their answer. Nor am I certain that they still have the tab with zweihanderplusein open. They need closure though. I mean they googled it and came to my site looking for answers. I feel like I owe them. So with all the power I can muster, I am going to answer their question. Prepare yourself, Yahoo Answers, steel yourself. Battle approaches.

Well it kind of depends on the context of your question. If you are intending on running it up a flagpole then it is definitely not politically correct. In fact it is pretty much a no-no at this point. Don’t do it. Unless of course you live in one of those off the grid towns. The kind that at any minute of the day a horror movie could break out. All it takes is some city slickers new fangled smart car breaking down to kick off an hour and half’s worth of violence and gore. Hell, you would probably become the mayor if you did such a thing!

However, you may be okay to fly the confederate flag if you are one of the most civilized and good natured of the thieving and police evading red necks. Especially if you’re name happens to be Bo or Luke and you have the flag painted on top your car. This is a strict ruling and is reserved only for media and historical pieces. Although, I don’t know if it covers Dukes of Hazzard cosplayers. Sadly, many of my fellow liberal thinking kind have far exceeded necessity as of late. Somehow they have managed to convince a man named Bubba, that painting a U.S. Flag over the confederate flag on the authentic Dukes of Hazzard car is okay and will solve all the world’s problems.

I believe it is pertinent at this point to note the cars name, The General Lee, is also painted on the roof. The car was named after the Confederate General Robert E. Lee. Also, the car is orange, which is debatable as the color of the flag. I have seen the flag move between red and orange depending on who is making it and what material it is. Most importantly, it is a piece of film history and, like all other historical pieces, should not be tampered with. Especially, when it is such a hot mess that would require a full repaint in order to fully realize the dreams of this politically correct inquisition. If you are going to do something, do it right, but don’t do it.

Now, time for one final contextual variation. Did you mean as a kite? This one is a bit of a sticky wicket. Personally, I don’t have a problem with it and I assume many other level headed middle of the road folks don’t either. However, to our left and to our right are our microphone wielding loud as hell extremist spokespeople. Both are going to get up in your face about it. One will serve you legal papers and say “Good day to you sir!” as they get in their volvo and drive their one point five children to a soccer game – don’t ask about the point five, it is a mess. The other will spray you with chaw riddled spittle as they tell you some anecdotal story about their great great great great grandpappy having to fly kites uphill both ways in snow and how the kite you are flying reminds them of their proud heritage.

In short, unless you are watching The Dukes of Hazzard don’t mess with it. Also, don’t tell anyone you are watching The Dukes of Hazzard, especially the movie.

Fat: The Socially Acceptable Word and the People You Can Still Make Fun Of.

  Fat people. They are everywhere, every ethnicity has ‘em and according to the news we will be getting more of ‘em. I could throw some fancy statistic at you showing all of this, but I thought I would give you something to google. What I am concerned with is, even though there is a great amount of our population who are two turkeys this side of Cliff Claven’s – whatever side Norm was sitting on – it is still socially acceptable to hate and fear their condition. A condition that ultimately has the brunt of the blame placed on the person with said condition.

  To prove my point I don’t really need to look any further than our lexicon. We don’t say the “R” word, we say mentally handicapped. We don’t say the “M” word we say little person. We don’t say the “J” word, we say custodian. People seem to be so easily offended these days that there is no shortage of alternative and more “politically correct sounding” words. I am not even sure if should say “gay” anymore and I find myself autocorrecting from “black” to “African-American.”

  That said, there is one word I am absolutely positive I can say twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, in a room full of the “people” I am talking about and that word is “fat!” Let’s face it, obese is not the nice politically correct word for fat. Obese is scientific for “DAYYEMN!” In civilian society, obese means super fat! Fat times two to the power of two! It is true we have “less hurtful and more good natured” ways of saying fat such as: plump, big boned, more to love.  As good natured as they are, they mean the same thing though and they and many more are deemed socially acceptable. Go ahead, call a mentally handicapped person, ”Corky” or a member of the custodial staff, “Mr. Clean” see what happens[1].

  I have also become certain that television was created to make fat people feel absolutely horrible for being fat and skinny people to look on in horror at the alternative to their celery stick eatin’ lives. I can’t watch more than one hour of television on a major non-specialty network without seeing at least one “so, you seem to have a weight issue, what are you going to do about it commercial.” I certainly don’t – nor should I – see commercials for “so you are mentally handicapped, so you are gay, so you are a little person” and so on.  You get the point without me spiraling into stuff that becomes incredibly politically incorrect. Of course there those who will say that the people mentioned above cannot help their conditions – if they can even be considered conditions. Although, some of those people will not cut overweight people any slack and place the blame solely on them.

   I am not saying that people shouldn’t trade the Doritos for a pair of Reeboks, but I have witnessed skinny size zero girls pack away potato chips like a dire squirrel packs away nuts for winter and not gain a god damn pound. While I myself can eat a fun size candy bar, run five kilometers and still see that tasty little fucker’s contribution to my glorious man rack.

  Alright bring it on in for the group hug, time to button this up. What I am really getting at is, with all these parades, days, PSA’s, and societal shifts to be accepted, there is one group that is being left out.


[1] Hey Internet, don’t do this. It is mean.