Where Do Popstars Come From?

Just to be clear, I am talking about popstars and not poptarts. My fondness for the topic of the latter may lead to many typos out of familiarity. No matter what I type, I am always talking about popstars not poptarts.

Back to the question at hand, where do popstars come from. I mean they aren’t exactly the singer songwriter type are they? The genre they become known for isn’t exactly accommodating to the acoustic guitar slung over the shoulder or keyboard hauled around in a broke ass hatch back type of musician is it?

Do the venues that fledgling mega musicians inhabit inspire popstars? I for one couldn’t imagine sitting in a smoke filled bar through a set of Casio backed Alejandro and Poker Face. There is a lot of stage presence involved in being a popstar: singing, dancing, costumes, and what not. A single musician can’t pull that off and the more people they have in their band, the less room the stage has for theatrics.

It isn’t like proving your band is rocker material. Did you see how we all just showed up in the same ten minute window, looking like we just woke up and are on our way to our American Eagle photoshoot? Look our bass player will always be a part of us, even though he is going to university in the fall. One does not simply break up Pug Cuddle Huddle!

So do popstarts just pop into existence? Does someone scout them out for one talent and then tests them for other popstar requisites? How many popstars have fallen because they couldn’t change costumes fast enough? Perhaps it is all well connected people who some how get to know producers and just make their way in. Are there simply try outs, the same way undiscovered actors get parts?

I guess I could just watch the Katy Perry movie or maybe ask google. Honestly though, I don’t have the strength to dig through the My Little Pony sphere of the internet to find out the answers to Lady Gaga’s origins. Also, I don’t really give a flip what the answer is. However, if you have any insights, comment away.

Dr. Pepper: The Champagne of the Pop World

  Forget about the market share war that Coke and Pepsi have been diligently waging for so long that it has been reduced to semi-annual flippant vollies of superfluous references to a once glorious and holy war.  Forget about caffeine addled dipshits flippin’ cars over elephant riding grandmothers, while they tip back cans of Mountain Dew.  Forget about every pop that is orange or purple, I have nothing to say about them, just forget them.  But don’t you ever forget about Dr. Pepper. If you aren’t drinking Dr. Pepper, you are missing out on something special, that you will never be able to get back.

  Dr. Pepper.  Twenty-three flavors, I don’t know what they are.  I doubt I could pronounce them all, but those twenty three flavors provide a rich full bodied flavor that Pepsi’s one note bittersweet flavor and Coke’s even more bitter and less sweet taste cannot compete with.  Eat steak while drinking Pepsi or Coke and each bite will be contrasted with mediocre flavor that bad touches your tongue and the high acidity of Coke that assaults your taste buds, knocking them senseless.  Drink Dr. Pepper while eating steak and you will be pleased with the complementary full body flavors of vanilla and cherry with a caramel after taste.  Your taste buds will become super powered like a nerd getting bit by a radioactive spider!  Bouquets and textures that were imperceptible before now stand before you, naked wanting to lock in a lasting and meaningful embrace.

  Even better, Dr. Pepper doesn’t just go well with steak, Dr. Pepper can be paired with anything!   That is a feat that wine had to make two all encompassing genres to do.  But after it still wasn’t enough and wine had to make rose, ice, and dessert wines.  When Dr. Pepper made a second type, it wasn’t because people were having problems guzzling down cans of it while eating three course meals of mozzarella sticks, fillet mignon, and a big ole slutty piece of chocolate cake.  The second type was Diet Dr. Pepper, and the reason was people were getting fat from drinking so much Dr. Pepper.

 Go to a fast food taco joint, if you order Mt. Dew, you are eating Neil deGrasse Tyson knows what in a GMO shell.  If you order the same meal, but with Dr. Pepper you will feel like you are eating free range god knows what in an organic grass fed corn shell.  You will request that the head chef, Kevin, comes out to your table and show you his GED.  You will have an intervention for Kevin which puts him in culinary school and on the road to having no less than three TV shows where he berates people for their inferior cooking skills.

  So who is craving a soul refreshingly cold Dr. Pepper in a frosty glass, I know I am.  I am sure it will go great with my bran and bananas and everything else I eat today.  It goes great with everything and can do no wrong.  Alright fine, Dr. Pepper makes Kevin an asshole, but his life is better than it would have been.  And as long as he drinks Dr. Pepper he will be fine.   Remember this, you can clean the corrosion off a car battery with Coke, you can clean the corrosion off a soul with Dr. Pepper.