Children: The Ultimate Hobby


 

My friend, Grieco Ricardo, posted one of those petitions on facebook. You know, the ones that nicely dressed people with the great smile and dead look in their eyes used to bring to your front door. Already defeated, knowing full well where the conversation would go, they persevered and knocked. “Good day. Can I have a moment of your time to -” If I didn’t feel like slamming the door, I would tell them that I wasn’t eighteen and that my only living legal guardian was hard at work.

Anyway, this petition was about ten a day daycare provided by the province. Maybe it was because I’d just woke up and the coffee hadn’t entered my system yet. I was feeling cranky. Usually, I would be all for this. I think childcare is one of those things that shouldn’t break the bank. It’s really expensive, comes with a ton of rules and parents have to get on the enrolment list before they even consummate their marriage or first date – it’s 2017, no judgement.

Yet, for some reason, I didn’t respond well and by well, I mean, I had a grumpy internal monologue of “should have thought of that before…” and then I wrote this instead of signing the petition, then I planned to go sign the petition*. Don’t worry about it Grieco Ricardo, I’ve got your back. First, you have to read the following passage by some unknown author. He’s kind of funny and kind of a truth telling a-hole at the same time.

Kids are a passion project. This makes sense as they come from an act of passion. Similar to, but not exactly like that boat you used to restore on the weekend or all the Dungeons & Dragons you used to play with your buddies. However, where those two money pits of time sinks are not very cool, kids are, apparently.At least they are cool enough for greedy money grubbers to realize that parents are willing to pay an arm and a leg for their kids. If nothing else this is to avoid the judgemental ire of other parents and be the coolest parent at the PTA meeting. “What do you mean your kid isn’t in free range organic artisanal ju-jitsu violin courses!”

If betting the person you married that you are so committed to your love that you wager fifty percent of your assets against it not failing, then children could be for you. It’s just as insane! No! It’s even more bonkers! Of the remaining fifty percent that isn’t locked up on some crazy bet, kids will take that and more. Not only with food, clothing, and other basic things. There’s an entire cultural institution that uses kids has high powered siphons to suck the money right out of their parents’ pockets.

You have to put them through school and lord knows, it has to be the best school. So now you have to buy a house somewhere else where the good school is and you need to get on the list for the school right now. After that school, they have to go to another good school right? That’s what society says! Don’t forget all the enriching classes and extracurricular courses they take on the weekends.

Sell your comics, video games, and Dungeons & Dragons stuff. Put the boat into dry dock for fifty years. Save all your money. Get a second job. Have your spouse get a second job. Kids are the only thing to spend time and money on now. In other words, kids are the ultimate hobby. And just like beanie babies, pogs, and comic books in the nineties, they devalue like crazy. There’s too many of them and they all go to the good schools and extra programs that they cancel each other out. They also have so much debt that can’t feasibly live without being propped up by their parents. (Echoey whisper: The ultimate hobby.)

Holy crap, people do need ten dollar a day daycare or at least something more affordable. I knew that! I mean from what I know, ten dollars a day is about a third of the usual cost. It could be even less. That’s a lot of subsidizing. Where’s the free money gonna come from? Hell, I don’t know! Maybe they can’t take it away from that ridiculous $30,000 interest-free money that helps first time home buyers buy more than they are financially able to afford.

I’m sorry for being grumpy. Where is that link? Grieco posts so much stuff on facebook! Oh, there it is. Half a month ago? Did it take me that long to write this? Either way, this petition is a start.

 

 


I believe the children are our future. Something, something, something, and let them lead the way.

*Turns out I didn’t.

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First Day of School

I was cruising through my facebook feed this morning and saw a couple of pictures of kids all pumped up and ready for their first day of school. I looked at the date and I got a negative feeling in my tummy. It’s August twelfth, is it really time to go back to school?

I don’t remember having to go back this early, but maybe we did. Regardless, it doesn’t really matter as I loathed the first day of school. I think I may have really been excited for Kindergarten, but who isn’t. A fun sounding name that literally translates to children’s garden, which I am assuming understood in reverse as a garden of children. Either way it works and sounds like a great time, plus it is fun to say. Kids just eat and sleep their way through the day with a few sing alongs to break it all up.

Then you get sucked into the system and become a brick in the wall and the teachers just won’t leave you alone. Open your books! “Where is my graham cracker snack” I respond in protest! Day after day, year after year. Everything is the same, but harder. Students work hard and get rewarded with more difficult work in larger portions. Just like real life!

From Kindergarten to the real world in less than a year. By second grade everyone knows why grown ups smoke and drink. One realizes why the age limits to buy smokes and booze are so high, because if we all started eleven years sooner, we would be worse off as a society.

There are those weird kids who are locked in battle for valor victorian. They will battle each other all through the years of school. Some will make it, some will fizzle out and one gets the prize. Does anyone care?

I loved summer break and school was just something that got in the way. I had to lay down my bike, put down the Dungeons & Dragons, turn off the HBO and most importantly put down the video game controller. Summer is dead, long live summer!