A Blog Post Found In An Abandoned Cabin and Six Things To Do While Twitter Is Down


 

Why is twitter down? It was behaving kind of odd last night, before I gave up and went to bed. This morning it was no better. In fact, it was no longer “kind of odd,” it’s full blown screwed up. Like a child actor with midlife crisis action.

Somehow I see my feed, but that’s it. Interacting with tweets or trying to check notifications etc. causes twitter to barf. Which is concerning. What is that indie author who sent me a link to their cool new book going to think when I don’t engage with their link? That’s sad twitter and it’s on you.

Maybe all I need is a restart. Perhaps I should just do a quick google search. See if twitter is down. Ah, yes, there it is. Fifteen minutes ago. Maybe I should have said something before I got my solid eight hours. Become the world leader in twitter news. A source that people trust and come to in these dark times. Years will pass before anyone will know which news sources to trust, which end is up, or whether to scratch their watches or wind their butts.

What am I on about? Wait, what was that? Did you hear that? Sounded like chatter, a tap tittering on the floor. Like thousands of bags seeping through the walls and beginning their journey toward me. Is that someone standing outside my window? I could have sworn I saw them, across the street. Now all I see is a nondescript van.

Think I’m losing it. Need to keep myself busy, with these:.

Six Things To Do While Twitter Is Down!

Drink Coffee

Sure, sounds good. The good ol’ mornin’ tradition and the best part of waking up, besides reading twitter. I mean I was going to do that anyway. While I read twitter, but it’s down. The caffeine is starting to really kick in.

Go To Facebook

I’ll go spend some time on facebook. Which is where I actually start every morning. It’s kind of like doing some stretching before a vigorous physical activity. I get to judge people based on their political stances and compare my life to others. Eventually, stupid image shares will get the best of me. The kind that beg for shares because a dog addicted to wearing fedoras or whatnot. That’s when I have my fill and move on.

Make a Podcast

Twitter down? Have a lot of opinions, no audience and no experience with recording audio? Then making a podcast is for you! What about? Who cares, just talk. Don’t edit a thing. The best podcasts like two hours long or something.

Do Taxes

Just did them, but why not get a jump on next years.

Clean the House

No thank you.

Go To Work?

Why not.

 


 

Light Up Laughing Shirt

I heard on the morning news that some Vancouver science students have invented a light up shirt. Apparently the shirt will light up, laugh and in general throw a fit as people pass the wearer on the street. This is supposed to show that the wearer of said shirt is fun and approachable. Open to conversations and what not.

The light up laughing shirt is supposedly a cure for the quiet, stuck up, unapproachable Vancouver stereotype. Which is a fair stamp to slap on the city and its citizens. We are like that and we do give off that vibe. However, it seems like something that we could treat in a different way.

There are other solutions we could try instead of a jack ass shirt that makes one – unless people are aware of what the shirt is supposed to represent – look like a psychotic shithead. Since the transit plebiscite was clearly a demonstration that we have money to burn, perhaps we could hang up a few posters that say, “We aren’t bunch of dicks!” “Say hello to the next person you see!” “You hate translink and so will the next person you see, already more in common than you thought.” “We all just want to talk and maybe get a hug.”

Whatever! I am just spit balling here. Vancouverites have managed to bestow the title of a stuck up city upon ourselves. I don’t think we really are, I just think we have heard it one to many times and tell ourselves that everyone around us is stuck up. When in reality, we are just a bunch of people that want to connect and interact. Seriously, how can one city be full of pretentious snobs? If New York, which is a zillion times bigger than Vancouver, can be friendly, so can Vancouver! Without a light up laughing shirt, buy someone a beer instead.